This morning I posted on social media that I felt a blog post coming on. I was prepared to write on the topic of patience. I was prepared to finally have the second of two medical tests that would hopefully explain a continuing and worsening condition I have been experiencing since February. I was prepared to write that I would be patiently waiting for the results of the second test hopefully resulting in a normal diagnosis as my first medical test that I had completed a week ago.
I was prepared to write about the virtue of patience – the ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.
The sense of humor test
Health insurance companies do not have a sense of urgency. In fact, I think they would rather we die instead. ”Let the life insurance companies handle it.” I can hear them laughing in their boardrooms.
Two common heart tests cannot be performed on the same day or my healthcare insurance will not pay for either test. This means I must take off two afternoons of work one week apart.
First test, I arrived 3 minutes early and they called me back at the designated appointment time. I left exhausted but no issues. I survived the stress test. My cardiologist’s office called 3 days later with results. Normal. Now, I wait a 3 more days for the second test.
Second test, I arrive 15 minutes early and they call me back at the designated appointment time for an Echocardiogram. I dutifully follow the technician’s instructions. She smears gel on my chest. I stifle a giggle.
BAM! LIGHTS OUT!
“Have I died? Have I ascended to heaven?” I ask, “because this is not how I imagined the ascension to heaven process would happen.”
I turn to see the frustration on her face with the computer screen. The lights flickered back on.
“No, Sheri, you are alive, but my computer is dead. We will have to reschedule your appointment. I am really sorry.” She says flatly with that still perturbed, furrowed brow.
I am not sure which one of us failed the sense of humor test. She ushered me to the scheduling desk to reschedule my echocardiogram. Another week. Another afternoon I must take off of work.
Waiting for answers
Google the word patience and you will find all kinds of quotes and memes trying to persuade us that patience doesn’t suck, and we are all better for hanging on and holding out.
I walked out to the hospital parking lot and climbed into my car. I cried.
I wasn’t just crying for myself. I looked around at all the cars in that hospital parking lot. Every car there had someone drive to this hospital today hoping for an answer. I thought about all the people I know who are waiting for answers to a myriad of life questions.
Life is all about waiting, isn’t it?
We seem to have to wait beyond our limits for something to arrive. Love, money, success, weight loss, health…
I have the ability for patience. I do. I just don’t have the willingness to suppress my annoyance with delay.
How do I conjure up the willingness to suppress my annoyance, my restlessness for answers?
o I remind myself every single time, patience has paid off for me.
o I will write my way through it as I have time and time again.
o Serve and comfort others because life is one big hospital waiting room.
It is difficult to have a sense of humor in those times of waiting especially if it is a life or death matter. Yet, I hope I never lose my sense of humor short of that circumstance.
God wanted me to post about patience today. He just didn’t like what I was going to write so instead the joke is on me. He certainly has a funny sense of humor about my heart.
Until next time (unless you hear from my life insurance agent), be well.
The Blogging Owl
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