Victimhood, waving the white flag

I have referred occasionally in past posts of our individual place of hurt. It is the inflamed, bruised, and tender area where we choose to reside or step out of in a leap of faith in search of healing ourselves in mind, body, and spirit. We retreat to that place of hurt from time to time if we do not freely stay stuck there altogether when we become overwhelmed or when life takes a turn on us unexpectedly.

Unexpectedly or self-inflicted, our response to life determines our level of understanding of who we are as individuals. I readily admit that I am no expert in harmony in mind, body, and spirit. This blog is dedicated to finding it and sometimes I do find harmony amongst the lint and loose change in my pockets in that place of hurt. What also is stuffed in those pockets are the receipts of victimhood.

In Matthew Legge’s article, Victimhood is Tearing Us Apart in Psychology Today on February 10, 2022, the author writes we all play a victim at one time or another. ‘” Victim” is a powerful identity because it makes us feel moral as if we’re acting out of necessity, not by choice. We complain about the suffering that we have, and yet what we are blind to is that we value the innocence we find in that suffering.”

The Christian’s call is to be made broken bread and poured-out wine without objection to the fingers God chooses to crush them. Whether you adhere to that Christian call or not, if we are ever going to be made into drinkable wine, we need to quit trying to swallow whole grapes.

Waving the white flag

Kevin Rempel, a Canadian Paralympian, and mental resilience coach explains that we must become a hero in our movie. Primarily, we must accept responsibility for ourselves if we are to cultivate a hero mindset. He goes on to say that we may not be responsible for what happens to us, but we are always responsible for what we do about it. We must stop playing the victim role.

Secondly, we must start taking responsibility for our life, the decisions we make, and where we want to go. As soon as we do that, everything else begins to change.

Messiahs of victimhood

I do not need to mention privileged persons who have given victimhood the social capital it needed to thrive in a world that desires to progress toward exposing its collective place of hurt. In fact, we have all had at one time or another placed our victimhood on the alter of messiahs in our own lives at one time or another. The only thing victimhood accomplishes individually and en masse is divisiveness. Divisiveness with others and confliction within us.

To create that hero mindset for harmony in mind, body, and spirit for myself (you too?), I must take ownership of my life. It will take a leap of faith and sometimes a huge leap of faith.

Socrates said, “to know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”

I first must be honest and true to myself and understand what I genuinely want and can accept or not accept in my life. Does my personal resume of skills and assets reflect my expectations? Am I living an authentic life rooted in my values or based upon someone else’s expectations?

If I reflect on my past personal relationships romantic, professional, or otherwise, I can see the mirror of my own inadequacies in that community of relationships. I felt the cognitive dissonance in knowing what I was capable of and what I honestly enjoyed doing personally, professionally, and socially versus the life I was living then and sometimes still today.

In looking past that mirror, I also realized I had doubted my strength in my skills and my value. I became to know then as I am confident today that I cannot rely solely on another’s belief in me, but that belief blooms from within me. I often forget that piece of wisdom as I am sure you do too. We need to remind ourselves daily we have strong resources within us and value we can offer to the world.

A sharp vision of harmony is needed to motivate me to take the necessary action to bring that vision I want for my life to fruition. We all have from time to time relied on or look toward a human messiah when all we need to do is honestly create vision for ourselves and realize that we have the individual gifts and skills to actualize that vision.

Life is short.

It may take a health crisis, a death of a loved one, a narrow escape or real destruction in our life to keep us from postponing joy. Life is too short to keep oneself in that unhappy place whether it is a physical location, job, a relationship, or a mindset.

I have another admission. This is not what I had originally written. After allowing my first draft to marinate, I was ashamed to read that I was picking the pockets of those whose social capital was raised by the ultimate victimhood instigator. I had promised in a previous post here at The Blogging Owl I would not write politically motivated pieces. What I needed to do was empty my own pockets of the receipts I carry to show you that a seeker of harmony in mind, body, and spirit is a lifelong endeavor as we move through the different phases of life. I am mindful of that today and my hope lies in my own understanding and beliefs in what I bring to create a vision of a happier tomorrow for myself. I pray you don’t postpone joy another day either.


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