IF I am being honest, what matters

In reading friend’s messages sent to me personally and some of their social media posts, I am realizing what matters to me after my serial commentary, “IF I am being honest, my journey to wellness in mind, body, and spirit,” and “COVID-19” blog posts. I will call these messages and social media posts, “soul clicks” because a light immediately switched on when I read them for the first time.

The last soul click that prompted this what matters revelation post was a social media post from a friend who is struggling to become physically healthy and cannot keep up the motivation to exercise in any form on a regular basis. While it would seem to be in a pandemic lock-down and working remotely would make it easier to create such an exercise habit since there is time on one’s hands, she was looking for motivational tips. I could offer none.

“Where we find difficulty, we may always expect that a discovery awaits us.”  C.S. Lewis

What Matters

My discovery in my personal motivational difficulties has come to light in this COVID-19 pandemic too, especially with intermittent fasting and developing a daily habit of exercise while working remotely. My intermittent motivation to fast and exercise causes depressive feelings in which I also avoid mirrors, particularly, full-length mirrors. It is when I allow the outside world, both my personal world and the celebrity world dictate how my physical appearance should look like that my lock-down state of mind becomes further depressed.

We do what is important to us.

As I age, my motivation has gone from a desire to be model-thin and vivacious to feeling comfortable and peaceful. I realize now in this COVID-19 environment with its’ unpredictable future in our lives that having a daily physical exercise regimen is not important to me. Now this sounds a bit counter to what I “should” be doing, right? I should be getting myself into the best physical condition possible right now so I have a higher percentage of living should I become infected with the coronavirus now or in COVID-19.2.

People that know me well, also know that I despise the word, “should.” The word, should, is verbal finger pointing and finger pointing is a height of rudeness in my opinion.

Personal trainers and life coaches can judge me. Their opinions do not matter to me.

What matters to me is that I feel healthy. If I want to exercise whether it is to walk the dogs, play golf with my husband, hike in the state park, swim at the beach that is what I am motivated to do or not do. I am not a slug (obviously, I am an owl), but my driving motivation is spending quality time doing what matters to me.

The stress of living up to someone else’s expectations in physical appearance or physical attractiveness is too overbearing and exhausts my peace. The world’s expectations no longer matter to me when it comes to loving the skin I am living in. I may look like a loaf of white bread dough with a few age spots here and there in someone’s opinion, but I know my body better than anyone. I am not giving in, giving up or giving out because exercise is too difficult and too boring. It is sometimes is too difficult and too boring! I am giving into loving myself which is much more powerful. If exercising brings a peaceful quality to my day then that is what matters to me.

Authentic Self

Pain teaches us, not contentment.

When I am feeling extreme anxiety is when I allow my personal world to collide with the political worlds of divisive debate solely on feelings rather than facts. My anxiety and frustrations are signals to withdraw from the outside world and I have not always done so. I am not advocating that I stick my head in the sand when voices need to be heard. However, my motivation for mental peace is to withdraw my hands from the keyboard to reflect rather than to respond and live according to this owl’s mantra, to resist reaction and to ask the question, is this reasonable?

What matters to me is honesty and truth, whether it is my own or someone else’s truth. My motivation is finding and living that truth. Over the years of writing this blog, I have had readers message me about my honesty and transparency in writing about my own truth. If I am being honest, it has not been easy and sometimes I wonder if I have done more harm to myself. Yet how do we serve others through the gifts God has blessed us if we are not honest and transparent? So, try as I might when my hands do reach for the keyboard, I hope the words are a source of healing. I know I have not always been successful but I keep striving when I hear my soul click.

Pain teaches us, that is true. The contentment’s source is in serving others from learning from our pain. My motivation is healing that place of hurt so peace can reside there.

Asking God for the impossible.

Each one of us has that place of hurt. I know my place of hurt and my life has been a series of answered prayer. Not all answers are ones I anticipated, but the outcomes were much better than my requests. My spirit becomes wounded, however, when I allow the secular world to come between me and God’s peace.

What matters to me is to never be separated from God. The spirit leads the mind and body. God’s peace is instrumental in the journey to wellness in mind, body, and spirit. I experience joy in my hopelessness when I realize that if I am to be raised up it is only by the hand of God. God cannot do anything for me until I recognize the limits of what is humanly possible and allowing Him to do the impossible.

“When you are joyful, be joyful; when you are sad, be sad. If God has given you a sweet cup, do not make it bitter and if He has given you a better cup, do not try and make it sweet; take things as they come. “Oswald Chambers

Peace has its’ own language.

If this global pandemic has taught me anything, it is that honesty matters. I cannot offer honesty, love, and kindness to others if I am unwilling to offer it to me. And what matters to me is peace and my motivation is owning my truth. As I pray for the impossible, I pray that this matters to others as is does to me.

Wear a mask. Stay the distance and stay safe.


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