Bra Revolution

As the Houdini of bra extraction, I would no doubt win the bra Olympics for the fastest removal of the bra without the mere hint of removal or of my shirt. Even before the door slams behind me after a long day at the office, that despised contraption is flung like a rubber band lost until laundry day.

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Bra Beginnings

Of course, it was some girlie-girl, Caresse Crosby, who patented the first modern bra in the U.S. in 1914. So, for over 100 years, women have been wrapped, wired, and have perked up their ‘girls’ with these contraptions. Although the beginning of bras dates back to ancient Greece when women would wrap their breasts with bands of wool or linen and tying or pinning these bands to their back, I believe it’s time for a Braveheart-style bra revolution.

The Training Bra

Young girls are given “training bras” by their mothers when they start developing breasts. For the life of me, I don’t know why these small triangular pieces of the cotton held up by tiny straps and one hook in the back were named training bras.

How are these tiny pieces of cotton training breasts?

What are they training the breasts to do?

Why do little budding breasts need to be trained?

The bra conspiracy to confine women since their teens has spiraled into over a billion-dollar industry today with over 95% of women in the western countries wearing bras. That’s a lot of dollars and tits to confine!

Bridled Breasts

I get it.  I do.

Irrespective of breast size or augmentation if “the girls” are left unbridled stampedes may break out. Let’s face it, there is something erotic about breasts and no job or project would ever get done in or around the office or the house if breasts weren’t contained. Small or bountiful, I don’t know a man that can’t at least keep his eyes off of them.

Bras: Sexy or Functional?

Well, I guess bras are sexy if you’re a Victoria Secret model. But for us old owls who breast-fed their babies long ago and are…. Well, just plain tired and droopy…. And are not interested in augmentation to perk them up to faux smiling twins… are exasperated at the fit and the cost of these woeful wired and padded trappings.

If there is such a thing, my favorite bra is nursing bra I bought for $4.96 by mistake (I didn’t know it was a nursing bra until after I brought it home and began wearing it. This bra was purchased many years after breastfeeding had ended.) Yet, I wore it anyway. It was comfortable (as if any bra could be comfortable).  There was also an inherent sexiness about unbuckling the front to let the girls roam free even without taking the dang thing off.

Bras: The expense!

I can spend $5 at Walmart and let everyone know in the room that I am either excited or cold, or I can spend over $60 for a wired push-up bra that confirms to everyone that “Yes! I breastfed babies years ago!” as my girls jiggle like Jello® in their padded plush cups.

Women are hit with not only the ridiculous financial investment of bras but the emotional and physical expense of wearing a bra. These are expenses men have no comparison unless the man is a baseball catcher wearing an over-sized, metal codpiece over his junk.

Bra Revolution

I’m not into breast augmentation for myself, but on the other hand, I don’t begrudge a woman who wants to have a bigger, smaller, or a perkier bosom. If women want to spend their money on fancy, expensive bras or surgery to help them feel better about themselves, I say, “go for it.”

While I may never feel totally comfortable going bra-less outside the owl’s nest or beyond the backyard, but for women who have had enough of the bra, I say, “go for it.” It’s time for a new invention, a bra revolution, to keep the girls healthy and happy.

 

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