Sheri’s Rules for Football Season 2016

2016 Rules

It’s that time of year again.

This is the 2016 edition of “Sheri’s Rules for Football Season.”

Every year these rules are updated because friends, family, and newcomers are willfully absent minded or ignorant of this very special and exciting time of year. Also, some of you find new and inventive ways to break the rules in which causes me to update them season after season.

So let’s start with the basic rules, shall we?

1) The Detroit Lions and the Michigan Wolverines are the MOST important games. It is critical that Sheri’s Rules be followed particularly when these two teams are playing. With that said, however, it is essential for you to understand that if ANY football game is on, you MUST obey the rules.

To help you abide by this rule, I have listed below important links to the 2016 football schedules. Please print, post, and/or save to every communication device: smartphone, laptop, iPad, desktop computer, and front door or car dashboard (if you plan to visit me).

http://www.nfl.com/schedules/2016
http://www.fbschedules.com/ncaa/big-ten-football-schedules.php
http://www.detroitlions.com/schedule-and-events/season-schedule.html
http://www.mgoblue.com/sports/m-footbl/sched/mich-m-footbl-sched.html

2) For all of you who feel that the preseason games do not matter, I say, “What kind of football fan are you????” Hell yea! They matter! Sorry, but Sheri’s Rules apply whenever football is on. Period!

Oh! For the love of scotch!

3) KNOW football rules and terminology! I don’t have time to teach you. The game is on!!

If you know how to use Google Chrome or if you are an oldie, Internet Explorer, here are links to both professional and college rules:

There are NFL rule changes for the 2016 season, so study up!

http://operations.nfl.com/the-rules/

The NCAA charges $7.80. It’s worth it if you don’t want a penalty:

http://www.ncaapublications.com/p-4430-2016-and-2017-ncaa-football-rules-and-interpretations.aspx

4) 2016 NFL Officials Roster. Why provide a link? Two names: Ed Hoculi and Gene Steratore are my favorite officials. You know I will be watching their games.

http://operations.nfl.com/the-officials/these-officials-are-really-good/2016-roster-of-nfl-officials/

The “B” Exception Rule

I am posting the “B” Exception Rule first this football season rather than last so you can see that I have a heart in certain instances, but the exceptions are extreme B’s. Remember these “B” exemptions when reading the rules below because I can only be interrupted under these circumstances.

B1: Blood

Bleeding that needs medical attention, let’s say a blood infusion is necessary. Okay, now that falls under the “B” Exception Rule.

B2: Broken Bone

A broken bone must be a major bone in the body. A broken finger, toe, or other small bone can wait. Here’s a bag of frozen peas.

B3: Barfing

You barf, I barf. It’s that simple. It could even be the dog barfing. For those who know me very well, even simulated barfing gets me up and out of there. However, any simulated barfing pranks will mean monetary penalties.

B4: Booze

Too much to drink? Do you need a ride? Uber will be right over to pick you up.

B5: Barking

This “B” Exception is for my adorable fur kids, Penny Louise and Barkley LeRoy.

RPSM

NO barking unless it is to alert Mommy that someone is at the door to interrupt Mommy’s football viewing pleasure without written prior consent. If so, you have my permission to greet them as you choose. I know how much you love mommy.

Sheri’s 2016 Rules for Football Season

1) NO telephone calls during game time.

How many years have I been posting this rule? Yet every season (Mom) I must once again repeat how easy it is to follow Sheri’s Rules for Football Season. If you really need to call versus other permissible avenues, I have a brief window at half-time, otherwise, all emails and telephone calls will be returned the next business day.

2) NO drop-in visits during game time.

I am a perfunctory listener when it comes to drop-in visits during football games. Perfunctory meaning “lacking interest, care, or enthusiasm; indifferent or apathetic.”

3) NO invitations during Sheri’s football blackout period from August through February.

I get people. There are holiday parties, babies being born, weddings or some other congratulatory events that just can’t wait, but seriously, save the R.S.V.P. stamp. Your gift is in the mail.

4) NO begging for snacks, treats, or special attention.

This goes for all three of you – Penny, Barkley, and Vinny Sal – No whining, crying, sad puppy dog looks, or laying your ball toys or head forlornly in my lap. My eyes will be firmly fixed on the television screen.

5) NO snoring! – NEW RULE this season

Nothing is more irritating than snoring. For the love of scotch! Go in the bedroom and take a nap!

6) NO texting.

The only way to bend this rule is to congratulate me on an outstanding game, unless of course, a “B” Exception rule applies.

7) NO Facebook – NEW RULE this season

In past seasons I may have posted a few bait and bets on my personal Facebook page. In turn, others may have tagged me on some posts or memes that were condescending to one of my teams. To which I would counter, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but scotch will never hurt me.” (I know that line doesn’t make sense but neither do their posts.)
Because there are so many hateful political posts and discussions on Facebook due to the upcoming presidential election, I am declaring the 2016 football season a “NO Hate Zone” even for that team in OHIO.

Twitter: @TheBloggingOwl #SheriFootball

Be advised that my language may become a little colorful. Football brings out the best and worst in me. Follow me @TheBloggingOwl at your own risk.

GameOn Cancer Fundraiser

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE 2016 FOOTBALL SEASON

Game On Cancer is a joint partnership between Henry Ford Health System and The Detroit Lions. 100% of funds raised through Game On Cancer are used to assist cancer patients and their families. Our mission is to remove any barrier or burden, financial or otherwise, that limits or prohibits cancer patients from receiving care and treatment.

By assisting vulnerable patients, their families, and their caregivers with the “hidden” costs of cancer, we are ensuring access to treatment for all – serving one patient at a time…treating beyond the cure.

PLEASE HELP MY TEAM: The ShivaKaminis

Support Game On Cancer by making a donation or by joining our team to help Henry Ford Health System and the Detroit Lions in TACKLING cancer!

Follow this link to see how you can help my team tackle cancer:

http://hfordh.convio.net/site/TR/Events/GameOnCancer?team_id=1047&pg=team&fr_id=1060

I’m ready, are you ready?

Each year I keep adding to the rules. For the love of scotch people!

Respect the game. Respect the rules. 

#SUPPORTGAMEONCANCER

#DETROITLIONS #ONEPRIDE #NFL

#GOBLUE #HAILMICHIGAN

Respectfully, #SheriFootball

Food or Poison?

I was trying to race from Lenawee County before the eyes of repressed childhood memories began to flutter, but of course, no one can race out of this godforsaken County because everyone seemingly drives way below the posted speed limits on these tired two-lane country roads. I had just attended the memorial service for one of my beloved English teachers and after paying a public tribute in front of his family, friends, colleagues, and former students, I was overcome with emotion as I had been since first learning of his passing on Facebook four days earlier. Yet, as repressed as my childhood memories are when I am far, far away from the hometown of my youth the fear of being back here hit me hard.

Lenawee County

“I never want to come back here again,” I said to myself out loud.

Angry at allowing myself for listening to the broken record of my father’s condescending and alcoholic voice in my head for so many years and all the memories associated with it, I still didn’t want to be reminded for the umpteenth time why I hate Lenawee County.

“I coulda been somebody!” Borrowing a line from Rocky Balboa.

The truth is – I am somebody.  Mother, Wife, Blogger as a dear friend reminded me last week – great ones at that, he said.

But, I’m not who I had hoped to be – a full-time, employed writer earning a living doing what I love. (Mind you, it’s my fault that I am not. I just don’t like being reminded of it.) Looking out over the fields of hay and corn stalks I could see in my waking memory, my father driving a tractor pulling a manure spreader spreading the vile of animal waste – pig shit. No other odor is worse than pig shit. I can smell it even now, though there aren’t any hog farms along my current route of M-52.

Pig manure

My English and band classes had kept me alive in high school. Teachers, whether they knew it or not, literally saved me – not only then, but throughout the years when the memory of my father’s toxic words and shitty behavior that would want to choke my perseverance over the years trying to change the outcome of my childhood. I wrote my way through it in my personal journals just as Mr. Roberts coaxed me to do in high school.

“Sheri, just keep writing. Just keep writing your way through it.”

Sitting in that small funeral home trying to reminisce with former high school students, I honestly couldn’t remember anything. Their memories of specific class assignments and projects were both heartwarming and disturbing. Disturbing because even as president of my graduating class, I could not remember one iota of my high school graduation nor much of anything else for that matter. What I will always remember is the personal interaction of my favorite teachers who were encouraging, who supported my dreams, and who were simply – kind.

A kindness I did not know at home.

My therapist, if she were sitting in the seat next to me would remind me that in those years, particularly before I was 21 years old, I was in survival mode. She would say, “Sheri, some books are meant to be put on a shelf and kept there.” But it is never too late to write new endings, I remind myself as I continued to gaze out over vast farm fields. Still thinking about “endings”, I reflected on another student’s eulogy who spoke of some teachers not being as kind as Mr. Roberts.

Then I thought, “Each one of us is fertilizer. A fertilizer that is either food to help tender plants grow or poison if not handled correctly. It all depends on how we treat one another.”

So I asked myself when Lenawee County was finally and fully in my rearview mirror, what kind of fertilizer am I?

Food or poison?

Writer or not, I hope to be the food of kindness towards others because I may never know whose life I might just be saving.