After about a week, I knew I would have to say something to Vinny Sal. The pain was killing me. I couldn’t take it any longer.
“Vinny Sal, we need to talk.”
Next month Vinny and I will be married 23 years. Before online dating sites, there was the personal ad. In my personal ad, I was very specific. The one specific attribute I do remember requesting in my personal ad was he needed to be looking for adventure….. Oh, and love sports, particularly, football.
After 23 years, I was going to drop a bomb. I would be breaking an unspoken vow we have had in our entire married life.
“Vinny Sal, I can’t hold it in much longer. For the love of scotch! In one more minute a green-eyed fiber monster is going to burst through my abdomen like in the Alien movie.”
Normally I would not speak on such an indelicate topic, but breaking the silence on breaking wind in front of my husband was a huge relief (in more ways than one). Since we have been married, we have kept our gaseous proclivity in the privacy of our separate bathrooms. Oh, of course, our marital bliss have had its occasional accidental slip when one is snoring and the other is an insomniac; but I’m not pointing any fingers. Now I am not a saint either. Who doesn’t like to occasionally let out a few squeakers or crop dust the little ones just to hear an, “Awwww, Mom!” (Giggle)
Yet in that first week of Veganism I have missed precious television moments during a football game with the urgent intensity of this new fiber-rich diet to rush to the bathroom. My gut was in misery, but I could no longer keep it all to myself. I broke the vow right there in the living room.
“Sorry,” I said red-faced.
When googling how to combat the murderous fiber induced pain, I came across a post on the PETA organization website, “Fight Climate Change by Going Vegan.”
Now I am an animal advocate and I do want to save the earth; however, I am not fully on board with all of PETA’s claims on methane gas. Thank goodness I do not allow anyone to smoke in our house or near it. Anyone lighting up in our home that first week of our vegan adventure certainly would have caused an accidental explosion.
The vow of silence has been broken, but the #Vegan2016 journey continues. For the Love of Scotch! if “Vegan You Can.”